"Three Simple Words" - One of my favorite songs and peices of poetry.

Hands into a fist,
Static in my head.

I love their portrayal of stubborness. Inability to see the real world, but really just a mental blockade. Why would I want to face things if I can just keep on living in my own little perfect world? Sounds good to me. I'll just live the same life forever.

With all the things I've said,
There is just regret.
Repeating in my head.

I mean, why would I say anything in the first place? Why dont I just listen? I'm more "mysterious" that way. Isnt that what you want? Does anybody really wanna know anybody else?

Time to close my eyes
Forget about this mess.
Tried to fix this tragic loss of innocence.

There's a thought. Innocence. Beautiful really, the fact that you can frolic around on computers and with friends without having to worry about reputation or what you look like. Too bad its one of those things you regret losing. Just another regret, right? So what then, can I just sit down and forget everything? The opening lines of the song is "Open up my eyes,~Flooded with daylight". How in the hell can you close your eyes once you've seen? I've literally tried it. Remember that one day I went around and just didnt wear glasses? Well I HAD to put my glasses on throughout the day. I HAD to see. Not just because teachers told me to, but to get things out of life I had to open my eyes.

..So the point I approach is that maybe I shouldnt be trying to oppress feelings and thoughts. Maybe I should just be sad. Cry once and awhile or something?

Oh, and I'll be gone till saturday cuz i'm off to the desert again. I tell you, the most beautiful thing ive ever seen is when i was sitting on the top of a mountain, smelling wet cryosote bush and watching the dark rainclouds slowly swallow up the sunlight that drenched the vast valley below me. I pray I'll get to see that again.

Remember the olden days when i used to write and write and write? I should do that again. I should be more open, but regret holds me back.

Regret is the worst. The fact that a human can look back into the past and hate or even fear one of his or her mistakes is just bad. History is stupid in that respect. Why do we want to regret things? Do we really want to look back and regret appeasing Hitler and regret Jackson's passive response to South Carolina's secession bug? Regret comes in many forms, but its always felt in the heart. Its deep and profound, and hits you where it will always hurt. No man, no matter how strong can stand up against regret, because there is simply no remedy for it. The only way to stop it is to not put yourself in a situation that you will someday regret. That is to say, to not live life. But then again, life is pain, and pain is happiness. Everything is interchangable, but that doesnt change the fact that adrenaline pumps through your blood and your stomach floats up your throat every time you think about that one thing you would just change if you could.

Its regret that drives me nowadays. Drives me to nothingness. Its regret that holds me back from saying everything right here and now. That holds me back at school and in relationships. I dont wanna regret, and i cant seem to find a way to get over that fear.

I took the gender test, and apparently i'm a male. thank god. xP

I learned some stuff too. did you know that girls would prefer to drown themselves over falling? thats messed up. They also apparenly dont like the word moist. Moist things are good. Oh, and apparently they alone realize the fact that clams are living creatures. wow.

Haha, but seriously, one of the questions on the test was "are you scared of death" ~ that took some deep thought but in the end i came up with "yes" as my answer. i'm really curious as to whether you guys are scared of death.

Hehe, went to best buy today and got meself a new graphics card. i'll be havin fun w/ that.. when i'm not doin schoo work :(

hehe. the memorable christmas presents are as follows:
two comp parts.
an mp3 playa.
a r/c airplane.

i LOVE it when people get me things that i like when i dont ask for them. that was the case for the airplane and the player. hehe, pretty good christmas after all. Got all the parts installed in me comp, and its workin TOO fast. but thats good, rite? anyhow a merry merry christmas to ya all, and i hope ya all had fun.

ummm. ya. talk to ya'z tom.

the things that i see never end,
tricking my mind to just pretend.

i understand what's happening
when others doubt you still believe.
it's one chance in your lifetime,
but it won't be the last time.
i swear there's always a next hill to climb.
and you know there's a lifetime.

changing what i once thought.
letting go of what i once fought.
there's a life that you need to find.
all that surfaced has changed my mind.
the end of the world's in front of me,
hard to believe all i see.

AUGH. i h8 da flu. i got over it four days ago, but i still have NO appetite. i can eat, what? a small mound of mashed potatoes or a small fry twice a day. nothing more, or i'll start getting queezy. aiya, at least ill loose whatever weight i'm gonna put on from being lazy and eating fudge and watching tv all day (btw, i've watched more tv in the last four days than ive watched all year [no kidding]). so there.
~james.

oh hey, check out "chance of a lifetime" by mest if you get a chance. beatiful.

Hehe, what a loser I am. Spent the whole day downloading, installing, and beating a game called HALO. pretty cool game actually, i g2 try multiplayer at the next LAN party wherever it might turn up being. Uhhhh.. tommorow i think ill drive over to the movie theatres with justin or somethin and go catch LOTR3 so at least i know how everything turned out for middle earth. that'll put some peace in my heart xP .

Isnt it odd how our dreams reflect in no way whatsoever what is going on in our lives? I mean, in a time where there are so many possibilities, where one of my greatest dreams for the last 4 months is slowly becoming a possibility, i dont even dream about it any more. Hehe, goes to show, fo sho. I'll just listen to some music. or something. xD xD
~goin great peeps, despite the disease.

hehe. had to put this up cuz its a super cool pic. wonder if they made a music video for konstantine?

According to the Which Something Corporate Song Are You? Test...

Oy. yesterday i was violently sick. Dont know how many people saw me keeled over on the bench on the southern quad for about half an hour cuz i was so sick i couldnt get up, but it was bad. I'm glad i got home safe cuz i thot id faint driving home or something. x(. i got some stuff i wanna type out, but ill save it till later.. least till i feel better.

All our lives we are told to look to the future for meaning. We want to get good grades in grade school and ms to get into troy and then good grades there to get into a good college and then good grades there to get a good job and then do well to get alot of money and success. Where does it end? Where do we sit back and enjoy ourselves?

I feel left out x(
brian went to a party and pimped and i didnt get to. bitch. hehe.

awww fuck. i think i'm getting sick. but i cant. i wont... xD

Hehehehe. Hahahaha.
I alone have scaped the flu. HAHA! i practically spent the whole weekend round a coughing boy, sat behind several sniveling pplz, and even didnt wash my hands when i got home from schoo every day! hehe. i'm invincible. i hope.

Hehe, good day xD xD ~ I guess I dont really know why tho. I went home and checked out the glass house on the top of my hill just for a small detour and to broaden my street knowledge. Its super cool up there, and its so high up that my ears popped three times. You can see about 20 miles round (really, you can see the troy area (CSUF) from Yorba Linda) and I got to scope some places I might wanna travel to in the next few days.

AIYA! i want fingy back! stupid bitch is cheatin the school and making science too friggin boring (not to even mention english!)

Rain. Not once has it rained and i havnt been happy. Not once.

Remember the last time it rained during lunch? Rain, it cleanses and unifies. Its beautiful and shocking. I remember the last time, I remember the ambitions i still held. Hell, it all worked out that one lunch long ago.

Love? An attachment to a person? Attachment is addiction, and addictions, my friends, are not healthy.

Hey hey hey!
The new hoobastank album's out, and if i do say so myself, it is exCELLENT. but then again i say that bout alot of stuff.
if you wanna check it out, they have it listed here. (linkage is thx
to brian wung or wang (think its wang) on zelibe)

Poetry. so useless. the only place you can put a bunch of gibberish down and make it seem like you say something. "George Carlin" in Annabelles blog gave ten suggestions, only two of which i might need to heed by:
[[Dont hang around people that will drag you down, its not healthy]]
[[Dont take guilt trips.]]

Now, i'vnt taken a guilt trip in awhile, but ive been known to do it.

remember guys, in this life, no matter how all those bullshitters say live for your country and god and everybody else but yourself, the only person that matters in this world is you. I guess i had to learn the hard way. I did things that supposedly would make me more popular and more "mature" when all they did was brought me down the social ladder six notches. I hurt myself time and again without realizing that maybe all the pain was in vain, maybe i wasnt getting anywhere with it. Dont fool yourselves and make yourselves believe that your life is for somebody else, you are on your own, and its a beautiful thing.

Gosh guys. i honestly am tempted to spill it all right now. if i knew half the people i wanted to read this still read it, i would put it up, but i think ill hold it in again. i'm too scared to find out how many people really care anymore, so ill leave it be. Everything feels so different all of a sudden, but then again. what do i know?

Heres a nice pun:
Bein single is like bein fingered,
Feels pretty damn good, but theres still that itch...

Aiya guys, last week was GRRRRR8T! i hope this week will end up somewhere similar, but chances are it will pale in comparison. I was like desperately scratching on my gramma's walls trying to get some of the glory of this week back, but no.... Ya know, i dont really like saying it, cuz it sounds all girlish and whatnot, but i g2 thank all me friends in all me classes that not only get me through every day but make me enjoy it. It goes something like this:
[Fingerhut,Xara]
[Jeff,Spence,James and a few others]
[Tyler,Thanos]
[Ron,Matt]
[Shohile,Brian,Derek and that other dude xP]
[Becky,Tyler,Harold]
[Martin,Albert,Sam,Antiem??,Louis,Fingerhut]
Theres my list of ppl to talk to this year! lol. i actually miss alot of the cool people i met in my classes last year, but then again, we have senior year still xD (and next semestre)

Anyhow, nuff of that. played a shitload of RON this weekend. mebbe ill be able to beat frank out now, but probably not. also had to teach myself some PHP again (cuz i vaguely know pretty much every language in existence) and wrote my father a new page for his website and got $50 for it, which will be going towards a new nforce2 motherboard, which used in conjunction with the new RAM and hd that my dad got for me at fry's the other day will make my comp p0wn like no other. Ummm, and now i g2 get this video capture card working so i can start editing my groups project. ttyl guys, and i hope posts dont stay this long and boring xP

Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie em in a knot?
Can you tie em in a bow?
Can you throw em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your boobs. hang. low?

Once you got a girl in your car, you got her for life.
Oy, apparently my name is James Kim now. yay!

Every day this week has been phenomenal. I always will have those 15 minute down periods throughout the day. but you can go wrong with utter and true happiness. And my day is finally sequenced. The first half is devoted to basically hurting myself in a good way through obsessions while the second half is to joke around with friends. Hehe, my last 3 teachers all hate me, no wonder why. i dont stop friggin talkin ;)

Apparently a super uber hot ass asian chick lives like rite down the street from me.. Saw her on the drive home today: she drives!!!

[edit]HEY!! i found out what the "someday" video meant and all! yay! i love it when i use my brain!![/edit]

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just wanted to smack yourself upside the head?
"Back Home"
xD xD xD Today was great. Love y'all
~James.