aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. sadness gone gone. replaced with an extreme anesthetic.

was happy and attentive today from the start. had frosted flakes for breakfast xP

I guess today my biggest contemplation was really why I am so concerned with the 'getting a girl' thing.

Well, I started by thinking about the reasons that a person would WANT to be involved in a serious relationship. The two reasons I could come up with were sex and having a companion to share things with. Well, I can rule sex out. Though it's a big part of todays society and I'm constantly pushed to fullfill my hormonal desires, I know deep down that I neither want nor am ready for sex.

So how about having a companion. That sounds like a good reason to be involved in a relationship.. except I have SO DAMN MANY companions allready. Why would I need another. A wife in my future is supposed to be there when I only retain 4 or 5 best friends at 30 years old, I dont need a companion now, in high school, where I'm living it up with more people than I can count.

So it's not having a companion. Why why why why why why why why why why why... am I pushed inside to have a companion.. to have someone I can say 'I love you' to and it doesnt sound gay, awkward, or humorous.

I wish I could just state here and now that I'm too young for all of this. That I do not and cannot know true love here and now. That I am going to give up this gigantic struggle, leave it for my college years.

I've never been big on lying to myself though.