First day of spring break approaching. Am I happy? Of course not.

I watched some love film in Spanish for the second time. Something about christmas, but the important part about it is the line i read/heard in it:

"I was so scared he would leave me first.. I had to leave him"
"You can never feel love unless you truly give yourself into it."

Now that brings up several problems. (1) I've had one experience allready with a woman afraid to give her undying love. How many women are out there exactly like that? Is it another thing to be concerned about while courting? And I thought I had enough criteria. (2) I've been hurt. Badly. So badly I didnt recover for a year. So what's to say that I will ever give my love as blindly as I did the first time? Whats to say that I wont hold back, that I will give whomever my next significant other not everything she deserves? That's a scary prospect to be quite honest.

Anyhow, it's a beautiful line. And one of the most brave confessions I've ever seen come out of one person (even if it's in a movie).

So, how about theory. How about those true loves? Do I believe in them? Heck no. ONE single person suited for ONE other person in this vast world. I believe that every person is suited for every other person, you just have to change your views a little bit and the next girl/guy you meet will be your 'true' love.

I do, however, question sometimes whether two people can have a kind of superstitious bond between them. What I'm talking about, of course is when you feel exactly the same as one person does at each moment in your life.. or at least for a period of time. I think that subconciously we try to match our emotions to that of the people we hang out with and like. For example, if I sit across the room from someone I like, and she smiles, I'll laugh. If she frowns or looks real down, I wont be able to smile, even if I dont look at her. If she falls asleep, I'll begin to get bored and sleepy as well.

What if these bonds extend further. What if hardships and glory that we dont even know about in our significant others transfer over to us. What if the girl/guy you like has her/his mother die in a car crash over the weekend and you feel an unquenchable remorse that weekend? I think I'm beginning to believe in that stuff. I think that emotions, though they are essentially hormones or whatever, tend to leap through the air, and reproduce in hosts willing to accept them. I've had some experiences recently (I'd prefer not to go into detail) that seems to support my belief, but we'll see.

I didnt mention it, but Wednesday I had a really strange dream. REALLY strange. It involved people/relationships I thought i was over with, and alot of love for those people. More important, though, was the level of detail my dream held and the large amount of it that I remembered the following morning (and wrote down). Maybe sometime this spring break I'll go over the dream, I'll analyze it, and I'll see if maybe my heart is trying to tell me something.

There's a belief: that dreams are emotions. That they come from the heart. So if they're emotions, and what I said before about people transferring emotions through the air, then its certainly possible to relive someone elses experiences through dreams.

Think of the power of that. I said earlier, you cant express emotions through words. Images, however, are worth much more than a thousand words. If you can dream someone elses experiences, if you can feel their emotions, you can begin to understand them deeper than what words can provide to you.

I'm a big advocate of eye contact.