I got home today and opened up wordpad on my computer. I just started jotting down what I felt. I think its pretty interesting. May this weekend grant me a little freedom from stress.

I feel..

..happy
I get this weird sense of happiness when things start
to happen to me. When my life picks up its pace, no
matter how much it hurts, I'm always at least a little
bit happier. I like to see new things, go new places,
experience the unexperienced.

..sad
But I dont know where to go right now. I think I have
some choices that I should make, but I dont quite know
what they are. It's bad enough that I have to make
them. My life is undirected. I'm just a leaf in the
wind. I feel extremely sad when I lack motivation.

..guilty
I'm guilty because of the things I've done, both
disgraceful and good. I feel guilty for turning my
back on my heart and emotions, for again letting go of
a person that means alot to me, no matter how absurd
my care for her is. I feel guilty because I realize
that I'm probably going to have to play some people to
get where I need to go.

..self-centered
I feel like everything seems to be revolving around me
lately. It ties into guilt, I feel guilty for taking
in so much attention. I feel guilty for even thinking
that everything is revolving around me. I feel
egotistic when I'm "sure" of whether or not women like
me.

..confused
I feel confused as to what I should do in the
situations that have brought themselves up this week.
I see more paths now than I've seen in a long time,
and not all of them are black and white as to whether
or not they're good. I feel confused as to where all
this came from. Confused as to why it had to happen
this week, before AP tests, the SAT II, and the SAT9s.

..romantic
I feel reminiscent of my bleak romantic life. I
remember the toppling joys that love can bring.

..hurt
I am hurt by some of the courses that some people
take. I feel hurt that when fact comes down to fact,
we are all trying to hurt each other because it gives
us a dominant position.

..betrayed
I feel betrayed by the friends that dont listen to me.
I feel betrayed by the friends who think they're
better than me. I feel betrayed by the people who call
me brian.

..surreal
I feel like this week is one long dream. I dont
remember if it's a nightmare yet.

..empty
I feel like I'm missing the fundamental peice of me
that drives me to wake up each morning. I'm missing
love and lust, and I dont know what to look to.

..involved
I feel like I've suddenly been thrown into too many
situations with too many people...

..out of the loop
...yet I dont know where I stand or where anybody else
does for that matter.

..scared
Of everything that stands before me. I am scared of
making decisions because they can turn so wrong. I am
scared of thinking about things because I dont know
just what my heart might do.

..inspired
I feel inspired by some of the things I've read,
heard, and even said this week. I feel like I can
tackle alot of things, like I should tackle alot of
things. I feel like writing the best essay ever,
drawing the best picture ever, climbing mount everest.
Whatever.

..overwhelmed
I feel like I'm feeling too much in too little time.