Last night I walked out the front door at 10:00 and just knelt down on the concrete. I threw my hands down and just lay there, my face resting on my arms. The cool cement, night sky, light from the starts, natural noises.. just the ambience puts my mind at peace.

And then it started to drizzle. It was as if god was crying for me. Giving me the tears I could never have. Giving me a reason to get back up again.

But I stayed there, felt alive if only for a few minutes.


The weather of the past week has been like my spirit, bouncing every way. Yesterday, for example, I can give a quick summary: depressed:happy:giddy:sad:sadder:almost-crying:cheerful:solemn:humorous.

It would have felt so good to cry. To actually care about something, in this case my friends, but I was in the middle of a Mexican Resturaunte with my family. Not too oppurtune of a place to be.

Lately I've let my emotions flux. I feel like my whole crush thing has gone too far. It makes me dependant and unpredictable and worst of all, sad. So now when I try to dig myself out of this hole, I am forced to feel all the pain and suffering of breaking up with someone.

Odd, I was never WITH someone. But, nevertheless, I can see the cycles of denial, sadness, and contemplation taking form. Hopefully recovery will come before spring break ends.

On a more positive note, I guess on tuesday I'm gonna do some repairs on my car, on wednesday tour a college (trying to figure out which one), and on thursday go with calvin and maybe sam to brooklyn pizza works in placentia. I guess if anybody wants to go, leave a comment. I've also secured some time off from work and am going out to the desert for the first time in a long while this weekend. Spring Break is gonna be over before I know it.