wellz.. today is today. i laughed, i smiled, and had fun overall. Nice to be back in school again, nice to see the old faces, talk to the same old cool people, get to know others. Nice to feel the wrenching of my heart as it seems to start and stop again and again. ..well, that is, my *spiritual*heart. IT beats for five minutes and lays to rest for the rest of the day.

I'll tell ya now, one of the hardest things to do in life is to deny your heart. It makes me wonder sometimes how people break up in the first place .. if it's this hard to deny my heart a simple glance... how can people... how can they let one another go if their heart tells them not to??

Guess it's one of those things.. like 'are you gonna hurt for the rest of your life or just let go?'

..in my opinion: hurt for the rest of your life.


BUT
history today was real cool. we saw a movie with all kinds of cool stuff in it. most interesting in my perspective was several nuclear explosions that were taped. they are absolutely aweing .. one, for example, was detonated undersea and the water rose.. a mile.. upwards and the water itself formed the mushroom cloud before raining back down. strangely beautiful.

they also did a hydrogen bomb test where (1) they put 2000+ american soldiers like a mile from ground zero and (2) when it was over, they marched those troops INTO ground zero. forgive me, but i dont think i'd ever be stupid enough to see a mushroom cloud and walk towards it. god damn... these people must have been really uninformed or suicidal.

we also saw clips of tank-soldier parades in moscow/st petersberg. i was thinking about how impressed with our country i would be if i saw a 2000 man.. just 2000 man army with a few tanks come rolling down la palma in a parade or something.. that would be sooo cool. and i really would feel alot closer to the US .. i'd actually get to see where my taxes are going.