I havnt touched on seriousness in awhile, but it's friday and a good time to do so.

I've woken up every morning this week and last with a smile on my face. It isnt really optimism, or some element in my life that makes me happy, it's more the fact that I've just felt like being happy lately, so that's what I am.

I've been noticing some pretty disheartening things happen around me lately, though. My lifestyle is changing drastically, with my friendships and lyalties shifting all around. My classes separate me from my friends and senioritis separates me farther from them. I'm left almost lonely. I havnt had a decent, serious conversation with anybody for nearly a month now, but that's not my fault at all. You see, I havnt had the chance. School is both a curse and a blessing for relationships: A blessing in that I seee so many people I know, but a curse in the same respect. People tend to congregate in groups, and being part of a group is something I'm generally not good at. I've always loved having someone to myself, because that's when the stuff that really matters comes up in conversations. You'd be hard pressed to find me talking about anything serious at such a social place as school because (1) there's too many people all around and (2) nobody really has that much patience at school, everything is so fast-paced.

I really miss summer and the little dates I went on with people. It was like having 5 or 6 girlfriends at the same time, though some of them were'nt girls. I guess in that respect I've found a reason to like summer. Yay. I think.

But it's not just the conversations that I miss, it's the people themselves. I've long ralized that people at differently when put into different situations with different people. A guy will act completely different, for example, when he is around hot chicks than he will around his friends. There are more subtle differences, though. Some people.. (most people) have different personalities that they seem to associate with the different social groups they hang out in. My problem with that is that I feel like I dont even know my bestest friends anymore, sometimes. They drastically change because they are near different people, and all of a sudden I cant talk to them anymore. It's ridiculous.

If anyone ever asked me what the most important trait I find in a friend is, I would almost instantly respond that the most important trait a friend could have is a static personality. I like people when I know who they are at all times, when I can approach them and talk to them whenever I want, and not worry about the other people that are surrounding them.This belief stems from one of my favorite songs of all time, "the hero dies in this one" by the ataris, which basically is about everything I've just written.

I wish people could just be themselves. Always and forever.
..lj..