Faithfulness is one of those traits that I see as nearly godly. It's one of the oddest things, because I dont think I've found a person besides my family that I could call "faithful". None of my friends are faithful, no matter how much they love me/I love them. I can be laughing with somebody today and tommorow they'll decide that they're no longer interested in my friendship.

My friends make it even harder by hiding what they feel towards me. They never make themselves blatantly obvious, and I'm forced to speculate, but speculation can only go so far. I really wish more people were as forthcoming as I am, and I'm not bragging. I let everyone know exactly what I feel about them. If I act like I'm interested toward you, you're probably a valued friend to me, whereas if I dont even look you in the eyes when you're talking, you're probably just a casual toy for me, as bad as it might sound.

Interestingly enough, I define my own friendship through my eye contact, but most people dont. I have too many friends who I consider very close that seem like they're never paying attention to me. Pretty stupid.

I'm kinda teetering off topic, though. I really want to know what it feels like to be in a stable relationship with a person that I consider 'faithful'. I've experienced it through pets, like from my cat, but that kind of unconditional love doesnt seem to flow from most humans, no matter how close I get to know them or how long I've known them. Granted, I'm not expecting someone to love me after I've killed their mother, but I've never been friends with a person where I can garuntee that every day I see them I know without a doubt that they feel towards me what I feel towards them.

In the end, I dont think I'll ever see this from a guy. Guys are different from girls in that bisexual relationships are all-important. When a guy gets a girlfriend, noone else really comes close, which is really gay for all his friends, but I cant blame him, because I've done/do it too. I guess the only time I'm ever gonna feel secure with a person is when I get married. Pretty gay.
..lj..