I got home from Blade 3 a couple of minutes ago really tired and grumpy. Not necessarily from the movie or anything, but just all the shit I've been worrying about recently. My family is getting done with dinner, and as usual, my mail is sitting on my placemat. Today I got a huge manila envelop from College Board regarding AP testing and something from Saturn which I'm not particularly interested in.

I open up the envelop and it has some certificate or award thing for passing all the AP tests I took last year and the year before. I wasnt too enthralled, more annoyed because had the thing come about two weeks ago, I could have included it in my college apps. I guess it wouldnt have made a difference.

But what really gets me is that my family totally starts grovelling over it. I'm suddenly lavished in praises and commendations and I feel really dirty. These are scores I achieved a year and two years ago, and as all of you know, all the years of my life are separated into very distinct phases for me. I tried to just take the praise with a smile and a thank you, but under it all I wanted to scream "Why didnt I get this when I got the scores? When I passed all those tests, got all those fives and fours, where were all the praises then? All I got was a pat on the back then, and now you praise me for something I dont even remember/expect/care about!"

I guess it's just another case of misunderstanding. I told my mom just a couple of moments together why I wasnt really that excited, but I wish my parents would be a little more involved in my career than to be really happy whenever I recieve an award and get angry every time that stupid message comes over the phone saying "Your student missed so and so periods today", when a teacher just missed me on the roll sheet.