I read a book recently talking about memories. I think it was called "Man's Search For Meaning", about some guy in a concentration camp and how the only thing he had was memories and hope, synonymous with past and future respectively. That's so true, not just for people in concentration camps, but for everyone. How often do most of us take time to appreciate the present? We're always thinking about the past or the future, it's just they way we're trained. I've recently found the future to be more of a curse than it's worth. Hope drives me to do nothing more than destroy hope, at least in the cases involving women. I'll hope to do something and unconsciouly do everything to prevent that hope from ever manifesting itself.

But the past has always been an option for me. Even regret has it's own little benefits, leaving even the past's worst side appearing at least somewhat good. When I'm not attempting to live in the present, which is a skill not easily mastered, I find myself often thinking about my past in a deja-vu sort of way. That is, I take places or things and attempt to connect them to concepts in my past. Like the restaurante I went to tonight, it was the same place I had what is quite possibly the best day of last summer in. Or climbing in Chino Hills yesterday, remembering the pains I was feeling when I sat up on the tops of those mountains just trying to put myself together. Or how about my music, since I just sorted my library I went through a couple of albums I had completely forgotten about, and they reminded me of times past.

As you can probably figure out, last summer is what's on my mind now, but that's just because it's such a vivid good memory, and I dont have too many memories that are both vivid and good. You know what I wonder? I wonder what I'll be thinking about come next October and November, after I've settled myself into college, after I start looking in retrospect to my life right now. I'll probably laugh at my naivete in my stupid relationships, but respect the steps towards being a better person I have taken, but who knows?